i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
