How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
