You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
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For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
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I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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