Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
