omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
