Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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