Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
