i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I am never drinking with the goths again.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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