Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.