They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
This is my life. Enjoy the view
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
