Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
