Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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