And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
