official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
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So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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