That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.