We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
