Tell her she can't have a vagina
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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