He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
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We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
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it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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