Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
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Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
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if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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