Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
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