1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
