YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
id be glad to
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
