I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
