I'm sorry my penis didn't work
True but thats because hes a fetus.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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