The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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