I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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