it's too hot outside to masturbate.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
