Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I have so many feelings about this burrito
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
