You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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