I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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