Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
There's even glitter on my cock...
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