go do what you do best...puke behind churches
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
