Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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