32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
make that 40.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
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when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
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you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that