How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
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Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
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He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit