We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
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DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
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If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.