I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
Hahaha April fools!
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.