she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
sarcasm needs its own font
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.