Sponge bath it is.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
