she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
