i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
