well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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