Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
