She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
