so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
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