i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
