genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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