if only i could text you this smell
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Randomize
