The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
