just tell him i said nine months
never play flip cup with pint glasses
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
He? As in you personified your dick?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
