I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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