i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
