he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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