jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
