she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
The Olympian is in my bed
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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