So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
