you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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