Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
BRING THE BAGELS
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
