His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
