the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize