I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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