i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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