Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Randomize
