So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
This is classic penis vs brain.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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