those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
