You smell like a Billy Joel song
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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