I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
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apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
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On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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